Saturday 16 February 2013

Hilarious Oyinbo's Guide To Nigeria. All Foreigners Need To Know.


Check out this website, OyibosOnline  that provides expats guide to Nigeria, some hilarious and others very shameful. Regarding passport control in Nigeria, the editor wrote;
The best thing now is to hurry. In Lagos, you'll go down a flight of stairs. In Port Harcourt you’ll just be funneled into a queue. You’ll find yourself in a badly lit hall in front of the passport control desks. If your flight is the only one arriving at the time, the line should be quite reasonable. Otherwise, get ready for a shock.

Imagine a massive flock of intelligent, wily, ill-tempered, bipedal sheep. Do not, under any circumstances, let anyone barge in line ahead of you. People will pretend to step ahead just to read some sign or another, and stay. They'll kick their bags ahead of you, and step boldly up to them when you aren't looking. They'll do everything up to and including slithering on their bellies to get ahead of you, but I beg you, please, don't let this happen.

Be like a man of steel and let the tempering process begin here. If you don't learn to stand up for yourself, your stay here will be a misery. Most people, if you don't take any of their guff, will back down.
They also have a page where famous Nigerian english words (Pidgin english) are featured for foreigners to learn before coming into Nigeria. One oyibo ma thought these were the meaning of some pidgin words;
'No skin pain' (I am well), 'No shaking' (ditto), 'Body dey inside cloth' (he thinks it means something like; I can afford to put clothes on my back). Another anonymous reader sent us this... " think the word 'Body dey inside cloth' (we think it means something like; I can afford to put clothes on my back).Really it goes like this... when u say how body ,normally u expect 'i dey' or 'body fine oh' but some will try be sarcastic though very humorous by replying body dey inside cloth'."
Click READ MORE to see some of the words. They also have a forum where expats share their experience, you can find it HERE




Oyibo: This originally meant White Man or White Woman but has slipped into Pidgen to mean something along the lines of 'foreigner'. It is regularly used by Nigerians to describe returning expat Nigerians.
It originally comes from the Yoruba language and it exact definition is along the lines of - no skin.
For the purposes of our site we are using it to cover any, and all, Nigeria based expatriate. There really is no insult intended in its use so please don't be offended. Do expect to be followed down the street at some point by a crowd of little kids shouting 'Oyibo Oyibo' over and over again. You can't call yourself a truely Dashing Oyibo 'till it happens.
Wahalla: Trouble or problem. Also a Yoruba word. This is one word that will slip into your vocabulary very quickly. It's just so damn useful and can be used in a multitude of situations.

Fresh Fish: This phrase is used to describe anyone who is new to Nigeria. As the saying suggests, Nigerians and expats alike can smell a new comer from 50 paces. Don't worry-It does wear off.

Chop: Means food or to eat. Has been known to cause confusion in certain Oyibo households when the owner of the house has told kitchen staff to chop food items meaning cut them ready to cook. You can imagine the results right?

Dash: Commonly used to mean a bribe but can also be used to describe a tip or a gift.

419: Used to describe any type of scam or vaguely dodgy money making scheme. It derives from the section of the Nigerian Criminal Code that deals with financial fraud.

Sorry-O: Expect to hear the vowel O added to the end of a variety of words. No translation needed on this one, we just like how it sounds.

Oga: Another Yoruba word. Meaning a big man or big boss.

How Now? : A common greeting meaning 'How are things?' Not to be confused with 'How Body?' meaning 'How are you?'
Gulder Wahalla Oyibo suggested the responses to these questions: 'No skin pain' (I am well), 'No shaking' (ditto), 'Body dey inside cloth' (he thinks it means something like; I can afford to put clothes on my back). Anotheranonymous reader sent us this... " think the word 'Body dey inside cloth' (we think it means something like; I can afford to put clothes on my back).Really it goes like this...  when u say  how body ,normally u expect 'i dey' or 'body fine oh' but some will try be sarcastic though very humorous by replying body dey inside cloth'."
Wetin: Meaning 'what'. As in: Wetin dey talk? What did you say?

Go by Leg: To walk

Pikin: A small child

Go Come: Meaning hurry back or have a safe journey

Carry am go: Roughly translated as take this thing to that place
Pick am carry am go: Again roughly translates as pick this thing up and take it to that place

NEPA: We are told that this stands for Nigerian Electric Power Authority. We insist it stands for Never Expect Power Always.

MoPo: Stands for Mobile Policemen. Can also be called MolPol or MoPol. However you say it, they are usually very tough guys with very big guns who are usually there for your protection.

A-be?: Meaning-Isn't it? Example: NEPA done die-o a-be? Translation: The electricity is off again isn't it?

Okada: A motor bike commonly used as a taxi. Expect to see them carrying everything from school kids to chickens. The best thing we've seen was one bike, one driver, one passenger and one double bed mattress. Try hanging on to that at 35 miles an hour.

Go Slow: A traffic jam. These can be miles in length and can make you hours late for meetings. Can be caused by power cuts disrupting the traffic lights, broken down vehicles or just out and out stupidity.

Nyash: Your backside, your butt, your arse or you derriere. No matter what you call it-it's all the same thing. 'Gulder Wahalla Oyibo' suggested the example for this word too... He says it's useful at the clinic when suffering from a stomach upset. "My nyash go scatter scatter". We'll let you work it out....... An anonymous reader tells us that the correct spelling of this word is: yansh. 



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